This topic is so sensitive! It's personal to me also, and still today the impact on a long-held relationship is ongoing.
Money complicates relationships.
Just imagine the tension which often develops as siblings and relatives begin to review the will of a wealth uncle who saved more than anyone knew. Money can drive a wedge between friends and relatives like nothing else can.
But lending money to a friend or relative in need is different than arguments about the distribution of wealth from a will.
We want to help. It's hardwired into our psyche as humans, and that desire to help is admirable. Really it's essential to a society. There will always be an imbalance of wealth, and it's not realistic to expect otherwise.
However, if you have loaned money to a friend or relative in need, you understand it can get complicated.
A lot depends on the root cause of the financial need. Do you have a friend who is always on the edge of a crisis? Have you wondered if perhaps there is a core issue of managing money poorly, or just a string of bad luck.
Stuff happens to all of us.
So the first challenge is to ask yourself some hard questions about whether loaning money will enable wrong thinking or rescue a friend in need. This is the biggest challenge.
Selfishness and lack of concern for others are not traits we want to develop as individuals or as a society, but we do need to learn to be wise as we evaluable these situations.
Understand that an loan not repaid will forever impact the relationship. When you see the person, both of you will think of it, even if you don't mention it. It will be the elephant in the room.
The next thing to do is discuss the need openly, if possible. This will be sensitive and will require tact on your part if you are lending the money. We all have financial ups and downs, so it may be you asking the question next time. So it's good to be humble and listen - and don't make a decision on the spot.
If you are able, consider a gift. If you decide to give the money, be honest with yourself and determine if you really settled in your mind that you will not be repaid. If you are satisfied, then a gift could be a more palatable option for both of you.
Finally, depending on the situation, you may offer ways the person could make the money by taking up a night or weekend hustle, or doing something extra to earn money. The response to this question may help you make your decision.
We have to be sympathetic and generous - but also wise.
It's a tough balancing act for all of us.
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